Trump.D Diary : Friday 20th January 2017
Today is my last day as plain old Donald Trump, property tycoon, reality TV star and multi-billionaire; internationally famous for having a bad haircut, strange facial gestures ...
Today is my last day as plain old Donald Trump, property tycoon, reality TV star and multi-billionaire; internationally famous for having a bad haircut, strange facial gestures and a trophy wife.
OK so I’ve been President Elect since November the 28th…… or was it the 8th?! Anyway that’s been fun!
Firstly there was that little wrangle with the US security services – long overdue in my opinion – but it shook them up while at the same time they had to provide the next President of the United States – me - with security befitting my impending office and also security against any threat from all the voters I pissed off on my campaign trail.
But it’s not about man-in-the-street voters as much as electoral college votes and those I got. I got elected and no amount of bitching, protesting or dis-Putin (see what I did there…?!) is gonna make a flea’s fart of difference now.
Nixon was careless, Bush and others were just puppets and Obama was a pussy. Hilary was too tarnished with the sins of establishment and I was just too damned rich not to win. I knew that.
I knew that plain speaking and firm leadership would be a refreshing change in a country sick of diplomatic tip-toeing. I knew that being unafraid of pissing people off would come across as brave, honest leadership and that harsh words would win valuable exposure, saving on my campaign budget.
When a guy like me can win the votes of Americans who have to work a whole lifetime to even come close to earning what I make during one second of sleep then the stage is set for change. And I’m so up for it!
Change is in the air. The UK’s Brexit was a big shock but I really think my election might have been an even bigger shock on the world stage.
Teresa May and all the others who short-sightedly tried to piss on my campaign are now getting sick on a diet of pure humble pie and that’s been so much fun to watch. My new old friend Vladimir was the only one to back a winner during the race – perhaps he saw a kindred spirit and God knows I could really sort things out if I only had Putin’s powers. Then I really could make most of our problems - and certainly all of our problem people – simply disappear overnight. In Putin’s world it’s not “You’re fired” but “You’re FRIED” as he pushes the button connecting them to a final solution.
But first things first.
High Noon approaches and I need to get ready for my inauguration. Today I finally get my hands on the Presidential pen and, in my hand, the pen will undoubtedly be more powerful than the word.