Moving On from Domestic Abuse

Tinder? Bumble? First date outside of the office? It doesn’t matter how you met them, meeting someone new is equally exciting as it is terrifying.

 So many questions racing through your mind that it’s hard to think about anything else! Will they like me? What if they don’t look like they do in their pictures? Will it make things awkward at work?

 My advice to you – stop asking questions and just do it.

Time waits for no man (or woman in my case). If you don’t dive in you’ll never know what’s in store for you. Most relationships start online these days, through dating apps. I even know a guy that met his wife and father of his baby through Tinder – an app infamous for casual sex. So, despite the seedy underworld that inevitably exists in the modern dating domain, there is always hope.

 As a woman in her thirties, previously married with no children, I was encouraged to use dating apps to “see what was out there” – my friends’ words, not mine.

Bless them, they are in their mid thirties, single and longing for the family life that so many women dreamt of as children. When I was still married, I always professed that dating apps weren’t the way to find that special someone. How wrong was I, I was very much behind the times. I see them sat causally on dating apps as if they are scrolling through Facebook, looking for what they hope to be their dream man, only to later receive a text to say that things didn’t go to plan. This was hardly the advert for dating apps that would reel me in. Besides, the idea of seeing what was inside a stranger’s trousers wasn’t of any appeal either. Still, I gave it a go.


Tinder? No thanks. For the very reason I have just said. I was told about an app called Bumble. An app whereby you swipe left and right based on whether or not you find someone attractive, similar to Tinder, but, the man isn’t allowed to “slide into your DMs” – The woman has to message first. Female empowerment. I was all for that idea. I’m not a burn your bra feminist by any means but it gave me back some control that I felt I had lost for so long.

 Yes, I got the men asking for casual sex, the men asking if I wanted to see their… You know. The answer from me was always a laugh and a resounding no and the person at the other end being reported for inappropriate conduct. Yet still I carried on for a couple of days, popping on for ten minutes here and there when I was bored, as if I were shopping on Amazon or ASOS. Still so alien, but I was starting to find it quite entertaining.

What I am trying to get at here is that the world of dating has changed so much since I got married and subsequently left my husband ten years after we met.

Don’t be scared of meeting someone new.

It’s not all about the model skinny woman with bleach blonde hair and perfect skin any more. That’s the one massive positive in the new world of dating, I have found. Cellulite? Stretch marks? Spots? Scars? No matter, there’s still someone out there who has the potential to love you regardless as to any flaws you feel that you may have. Regardless as to your past. Just dive in as you’ll never know what’s in store until you do.


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