The Perils of Social Media

Social Media is meant to be a good thing.  Keeping in touch with friends and family living near or far away or even promoting businesses, events and charities in the local area are the benefits that come to mind as I write this.

However, we are all far too aware of the disadvantages and perils that social media holds for each and every one of us. I have fallen victim to that myself of late, unfortunately. It relates very closely to the snake in the grass that I told you about a short while ago.

 What happened is this: My ex was never one for social media when we were together, to the point were I was not allowed to even have so much as a Facebook account. I was effectively detached from society.

Strangely enough, he decided to delve into the world of social media after I jumped ship. His most prominent presence seems to be on Instagram, so I’m told. I’ve become all too aware of this. I immediately thought of it as somewhat peculiar that he had decided to engage in social media, given the fact he had been so against it in years gone by. I’m not sure why people deemed it appropriate to tell me about it. We aren’t together any more. I have my life with Brian, I have no inclination to know or any interest in his life. Period. He is no longer any of my concern.

 People are slowly getting to know about Brian, with thanks to the snake in the grass. That’s by the bye.

Instagram seems to have become his new means of humiliating and belittling me – by any means possible.

He made a request to follow me on Instagram, to make an effort to keep track on what is going on in my life. Issue for him is that I have taken somewhat of a social media hiatus since I left, so as to not be found or tracked in any way. In spite of that, I panicked instantly. What struck me as even more peculiar is that immediately after making said request, he cancelled it and blocked me. Although some of this may sound somewhat trivial to someone who is not au fait with social media or has not been in an abusive relationship, social media in itself can cause a lot of undue panic.

 This is my former husband’s way of making himself known.

Bringing attention to himself. His way of saying “ I’m still watching you and that won’t change any time soon” – very cryptic, chilling non verbal communication. It’s particularly chilling when you take the fact that I left some five months ago into account. It provokes a lot of anxiety knowing that he won’t let go.

The issue worsens when it comes to light that I am not the only person that this is happening to.

My friends and family are getting the same thing happen to them.

He is clutching at straws by any means necessary in an attempt to find out before about what I deem to be my new life and new found happiness. I have had messages from my cousin along with my friends and family asking what the situation is. I was very quick to tell them that the same thing had happened to me and that I had had engaged in no communication with him, whether that be verbal or otherwise. To me, my friends and my family, his efforts to make his presents known are just as puzzling as they are chilling. I was very quick to check all of my privacy settings on social media and make sure that people who don’t see me know nothing about me.

 The reason I write this is to let people know the importance of staying safe online – regardless as to whether or not you have been in an abusive relationship. Keep your privacy settings high.

Is it really necessary for someone you don’t know to be looking at where you went for dinner last night?

What purpose does it serve for a complete stranger knowing where you live or who your boyfriend, girlfriend or closest friends are?

There is no need for it. If you are not using social media for networking purposes, keep your personal information and movements safe. After all, you don’t want the wrong people finding out where you are and what you’re doing. I almost made that schoolboy error. Don’t you dare do the same. It really isn’t worth it, just for a few likes for your own self validation. Self validation needn’t come from social media. It can come from so many other places. Positive personal affirmation, face to face engagement with friends and family, stimulating conversations. The odd “thumbs up” here and there shouldn’t be what anyone needs to boost their self esteem.